Ever wonder what life would be like if you could go back for a day? I mean, to be honest with you, I think I’m beginning to forget how it feels to run. I wonder what it’s like to be able to jump, maybe even skip. Something tells me that if I could go back I would have the most fun with my children. In my heart I know I would be so juvenile, so giddy, quite silly. All the laughs, to be honest with you I would probably even cry. Though my youngest was learning the ability to walk while I was losing the ability to walk, I had to get real creative about play time with them. I must say I am the best zombie or monster out there. No one wants to challenge me in that particular department because I have had years of practice if pretending to be a zombie or a monster with something that is so natural for me to physically do. My children loved it. I may not have been able to run jump and play but boy the scary play we had with Mama walking around as a zombie, priceless. I’ve never been able to play with my two youngest in a free environment without fear of falling or hurting myself or them for all that matters.
Tell me what would you do? Those of you who have lost balance, strength, feeling in your hands and feet, what would you do if you had one day? If you had 24 hours to be your normal self, that self that you used to know. Would you just take off running? Would you turn flips and cartwheels? Would you paint a masterpiece? Would you play hide and go seek or tag with your children? Would you walk on the beach in the deep thick sand? Tell us, would you get on a stage and dance even if no one was there? Perhaps you would take to dancing in the street? Would you join a zumbathon class, run up and down the steps without holding the handrail while laughing with joy? Would you happen to stay alone or would you share it with the ones you love? Ladies would you wear that pair of stilettos you just seeing online the other day? (I still remember the last pair I wore, the night, and where I wore them to).
I was an athlete, I am an athlete so I believe I would find a ⚾softball field and just run those bases, I don’t think I would stop I believe I would just run in circles. I think I would want to hit and knock the ball out of the park one after another. It’s funny how I’ll watch TV and see people do some of the most amazing things and the first thing that comes to mind is well, they don’t have MS.
I do wonder how free I would be. To be able to walk without foot drop. Even on my good days I have the lagging foot drop that can be so annoying. I do wonder how it would feel to walk across a large room not worrying how close a wall is or if there’s a piece of furniture sitting in the middle of the room I can grab onto. I wonder what it would be like to go out in public and not use my cane or my rollator? Oh it would be so nice if I could go in public and not have to mentally tag all the bathrooms and memorize how many steps is going to take me to get there (on time). I just wonder what it would be like not to depend on anybody for anything. Not even to carry my plate. I wonder what it would be like to button buns without having to think? One of my biggest challenges is walking up steps without overextending my knees and locking my legs. That happens to be one of my daily workouts. I was just telling my doctor on Monday how hard that is. Wonder what it would be like to live and not have to concentrate about the things that I want to do. Like I watch my children and my husband just be, just be free. They don’t have to think about a thing when I have to think about every little thing I do. If only I had a day I would play with my kids like the world was coming to an end tomorrow. I would race them, challenge them.
I used to be an interior designer, so I wonder what it would be like to climb a ladder and measure two-story Windows again without worrying about hitting the floor. Wonder what it would be like to carry a 5 gallon bucket of paint?
I don’t know, maybe I would just cook a full course meal without anybody’s help and without having to stop and rest. I wonder what it would be like to clean my house from top to bottom in one day without having to stop and rest??
It would also be nice to just take a simple walk and not have to worry about inclines and declines, gravel under my feet and sticks lying around or without even getting tired. What in the world would that feel like?
I still have hope. Call me crazy but I still have hope. I have faith that one day maybe I can do some of these things. My vision is back from 20/400 to 20/20. (just had my vision checked on Monday). The feeling is back in my hands after 7 years. My sex life came back tenfold from the beginning of my diagnosis. So why in the world wouldn’t I believe and still have faith, you know faith in the one that I serve. I believe that one day I may be able to shout in church, so maybe I would call my pastor and ask to open up the church and have an emergency service? I want to do that. I want to be able to just let loose and just give God all the praise and the glory for where I have came from without holding on to the back of the pew in front of me. My praise is probably ugly to the human eye. I probably look a little goofy, quite strange. But I know God finds it absolutely beautiful!❤
There was a time it was not pretty. There was a time I had no faith no hope of getting better. I remember a time when I was a tender 30 years old in a wheelchair, blind, wearing depends without a driving privilege. And when I see where I came from, I realize there’s no room for sadness,there’s no room for resentment, or even pity. For I know I have a purpose in this walk, as rickety and weebly wobbly as it may be. I know I have a purpose in this here walk no matter how long it lasts.
I tell my children all the time I have no regrets because when I could do, I did it well and I did it to the best of my ability. So is there something for me in the end of all of this? Absolutely!! There’s something in it for me now. So watch me walk!
That’s what I’m here for. That’s what Step For Me is here for.
“Inspiring to step out on faith conquering strife while building inner strength. Encouraging others in stepping toward balancing a new Walk of Life!”